'X'+Marks+the+Spot!

= __'X' Marks the Spot! __ = A funny script by Naira Demirchian = //SCENE ONE:The setting is a jungle- like island with lots of trees and sand. Aiden enters wearing traveling clothes. He is followed by Curt, Henry , Lila , and Rose. Aiden is a leader, Curt is a nerdy chubby guy, Henry is the rich, snobby one, Lila doesn't have a lot of brains, and Rose is sensible and humble, and isn't a big fan of Lila's. They are all seniors in high school, on spring break.// =

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//( Aiden and Henry enter.)// =====

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Aiden:  C'mon, we can't give up now. =====

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Henry:  Dude, I am tired, and we haven't had a suitable meal since two days ago. I thought when you found that treasure map in your attic, we might actually find some treasure! I stole my Father's boat, for Pete's sake! =====

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Aiden:  It's not stealing if we're going to give it back. Besides, he's vacationing in the Hamptons! He doesn't even know the boat is gone. We can leave just as soon as we find that treasure. I know it's here somewhere! =====

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//( Curt, Rose and Lila enter.)// =====

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Curt:  You know,I would've thought we would've met some native people here. The land seems fertile enough to grow food, and if it's fertile, that means there is a source of fresh water somewhere. =====

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Rose:  There probably were natives. And they probably swam away screaming when they saw Lila's face. =====

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Lila:  La, la, la, la... //(Stops singing and looks confused)// Wait, I don't get it. Why would they do that? =====

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Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> You know what? Maybe they didn't even wait to see your face. Once they heard how stupid you //are//, they probably didn't want to wait and see how stupid you //look. (Rose grins smugly, but Lila, not understanding the joke, shrugs and starts singing again)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Hey, Aiden, can you read the note you found again? I want to make sure I understand everything. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Oh, come on! Read it again? I wish I had stayed home this break. I could be with my parents at their hotel in the Hamptons right now! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(Takes out two old, yellowing pages.)// "Dear Lucky, I don't know who you are, but if you found this letter, then you're sure as hell lucky! My name is James McClean, and I have hidden my fortune somewhere on an island far out in the Atlantic. I knew my days were over, and I wanted to make sure this prize would be safe, when I realized that I should grant this gift to whoever is smart enough to follow the clues. I have instructions on the bottom of this page to the island where the buried treasure is, and a map is attached. Good luck, Lucky. -James" =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Hmmm. It doesn't say much, just how to find the treasure. Maybe if we just followed the instructions... =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> We have been following the instructions! And it's leading us nowhere! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Yeah, well maybe we shouldn't let Lila be the one reading the map. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> I know how to read a map, Rose! I know compasses and scales and langitude and lontitude. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> It's LONGITUDE and LATITUDE you bird brain! Have you been leading us the wrong way for TWO DAYS? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Well, I... =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Stupid! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Well no one corrected me so I thought I was right! If you ask me, someone should've been smart to realize I have only a B- in Science. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(Facepalms)// You learn latitude and longitude in History. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Whatever! Here, smarty pants, you read the map! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Studies map for a minute)// I can't tell what this says. Curt, you're the genius, what does this say? Where do we have to go? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">// : (Studies map for a minute)// Lila, I'm going to KILL you! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> What? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> You've been leading us in the opposite direction this whole time! It took us two days to get here, now it'll take us two days to get back to the starting point and then at least two more days to find the treasure! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Oh my Gosh! You blond! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> See, I don't get why you always call me a blond. I obviously have black hair! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Just walk! Curt, lead us in the //right// direction. ===== = <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">//SCENE TWO: Four days later on another part of the island// =

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> We made it! This is the location on the map that has an 'X' to mark the treasure! And look! A waterfall! I knew there was fresh water around here! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Okay, you guys start digging, I'll supervise! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> No, wait. There's something over here! It's a treasure chest! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Why would Mr. McClean take the trouble to hide the treasure on an abandoned island if he wasn't going to bother burying it? =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(Suddenly, a war cry is heard. A Jungle Man appears from behind some trees and cries again.)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Mer! Shlem! Ogley BOOGA! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Oh no! What's he saying! Pleas don't eat me, I'm too beautiful to die! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Shoves Lila forward)// Here, take her! She doesn't have any brains to eat but she 'aint no use to us either! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> NO! Take Curt! He's got brains AND lots of meat on him! Mmmm, yummy, juicy fat boy! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Stop, wait! Can anybody understand him? =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Izza mooma! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Um, Lalala? =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Lalala? Pindut broo by boo? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Wow, I didn't know Stupid was a national language now. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff00ff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Lila: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> LALALALALA! =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> LALALALA! OGLEY BOOGA! IZZA MOOMA! //(Growls angrily)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Oh, Lila! You're so stupid you can't even speak Stupid! (All start backing away as Jungle Man growls and advances toward them slowly) =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> WAIT! We just want to check the treasure chest, then we'll leave! //(Gestures wildly to the treasure chest)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Stops advancing. Turns to chest)// Blandit kees? =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> YES! Blandit kees. =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Steps aside to let them pass to chest)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> He's just gonna let us pass? =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(In thick accent)// Yes, I am. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Whoah! He knows Stupid and English too! Hey, Lila, he's smarter than you!No surprise there... =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> You speak English! =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Yes, I am. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Not a very advanced vocabulary. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Enunciating words clearly)//WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS ISLAND? =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Guard chest. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> WHY? =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> For my friend. He give me food and English dictionary. Tell me to guard chest until person show me map to find chest. You person? =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Yes, I am the person. =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Lucky? =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Yes! Lucky! Look, this is the map you're talking about, right? //(Shows the treasure map)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #808000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Jungle Man: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> You go to chest, I leave you now. Must read dictionary. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> It's okay. Even if you don't read it, you still have a bigger vocabulary than Dumbo here. //(Gestures to Lila. Both Lila and Jungle Man look confused. Jungle Man suddenly disappears behind trees)// Wow, that was weird. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Yeah, but can we open the chest already! =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(Aiden opens treasure chest. Inside there is lots of jewels and gold)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> We're RICH! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> How are we gonna split all this up? =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Well, I led this expedition, I should get the most stuff. I also found the map, so extra money there too. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> WHAT? We have been on this island for four days without any normal food and sleeping arrangements because you decided the STUPID IDIOT of the group should lead the way! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> I found the actual location of the treasure! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> I like being rich! And jewels and gold! =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(All start arguing except Lila who sneaks the chest away with her. No one notices she is gone until the distant sound of a boat engine is heard.)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Is that my boat? =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Where's Lila? =====

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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">//(They all run to shore where they see Lila on boat with treasure chest riding away)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> How immature! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> That fraud! =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Henry: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> The gold! =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Wow! She wasn't as stupid as I thought she was. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> Now what? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ff0000; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Curt: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> We can make a boat out of the trees. =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> I'll go see if I can find the Jungle Man. =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> //(Still staring off into the sea)// =====

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<span style="background-color: #00ffff; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Aiden: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> What, Rose? Disappointed? =====

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<span style="background-color: #ffff00; font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;">Rose: <span style="font-family: 'Courier New',Courier,monospace;"> I understand how someone would take off with the treasure, but I still can't believe the person smart enough to actually take the treasure was the STUPIDEST person known to mankind! =====