The+Worst+Thing+That+can+Happen+to+You+on+a+Hike

The Worst Thing That can Happen to You on a Hike

//Scene opens with YOUNG MAN smiling and walking in place facing stage left//

YOUNG MAN: *obviously* Gee, I’m a young man on a hike!

//Turns head to the audience//

YOUNG MAN: *informing* A lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. I could trip and scrape my knee,

//Pantomimes stepping around a rock//

YOUNG MAN: Good thing I didn’t trip on that rock. I could run into a Bigfoot,

//Roar is heard offstage//

YOUNG MAN: *dismissive* That didn’t sound like it was anywhere near me. I could run into a band of cutthroat forest marauders,

//Group of 3-5 actors with prop swords (MARAUDERS) enter stage left// //YOUNG MAN stops walking//

GROUP LEADER: *dramatically* WE ARE HERE TO VIOLENTLY EVISCERATE… *pause* //YOUNG MAN makes “oh no!” shocked expression// GROUP LEADER: BIGFOOTS!

//Group runs offstage raising swords and battlecrying to stage right// //YOUNG MAN watches MARAUDERS run offstage, sighs in relief turns to the audience//

YOUNG MAN: That’s right, a lot of terrible things can happen to a young man on a hike. But the worst thing that could possibly happen to you is…

//Text alert sound//

YOUNG MAN: *smiles, apologetic* Hold on, I just got a text from my girlfriend. //Brings out phone//

YOUNG MAN: *smiles* *to audience* She’s so cute. *as if reading to self out loud from phone* Daniel, I like you… But… *frowns*Don’t see you that way anymore… Too many hikes without me… Think you’re a swell guy… *transition into devastated expression* Hope the best for you… *weakly* Just friends… //Drops to knees// //Pause (take breath)// YOUNG MAN: *overdramatic* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fin