The+Annoying+Customer

//( //**Zac **//, an employee at McDonalds, must deal with an annoying customer.) // **Zac **. What is it this time? //(Beat.)// Not enough pickles? Really? The first time I had to replace your burger, you said it looked funny. The second time, it didn’t //feel// right. And now, there’s not enough pickles? If you wanted more, then say you want extra pickles! Listen, lady, I don’t what expectations are of this place, but you setting them way too high. This is McDonalds, not the Bellagio. We sell fast food. You eat the greasy stuff, and then you leave. //(Beat.)// No, I am not going to give you //another// burger! What are you, crazy? Just go; I have orders to take. //(Beat.)// Okay, that is it. I am so tired of you and your squeaky, chew-toy voice. I never liked my job. I have to stand behind this stupid counter taking orders for nasty food in this ridiculous outfit. Do you know how hot this is? I’m sweating and it is seventy-five degrees in here. It doesn’t help I’m next to the French-fryer either. //(Points to arm.)// You see this? This isn’t a sunburn; this is from standing next to that all day! //(Points to fryer.)// And then at my breaks I get to listen to my coworkers “gossip.” You know what the gossip is? //(In a fake-intrigued voice.)// I hear Johnny didn’t know how to work the sundae machine, and today he got put there, so he just winged the whole time. Isn’t that hilarious? //(Stops the voice.)// No. And then for minimum wage I have to put up with people like you. //(Beat.)// Oh, you’re going to tell my manager? //(Sarcastic.)// I’m so scared. I leave Friday. Lady, do me a favor and take your burger back to your seat, sit down in your chair, if it will support you, and eat your perfectly fine burger. Oh, I’m so sorry, did I just insult you? I’ve never insulted a famous person before. I’m so sorry! Well, why of course you’re famous. I’ve seen you in a movie before; you were the lead. It was called //The Blob//. So, please, go away. I have customers to serve. //(Calling after her as she walks away.)// Yeah, go ahead. Tell my manager. See if I care! //(Sweetly to next customer.)// Hi, welcome to McDonalds. How may I take your order?
 * The Annoying Customer **